Subscriptions Prophets

A service so divine, it's almost like having a personal prophet, but not really, because that would be weird.

Welcome to Subscriptions Prophets, where we provide the most obscure, the most esoteric, and the most utterly pointless services to enhance your life with more confusion and frustration!

Get a certificate that says you were born, because let's be real, who doesn't want one of those? Receive a cookie that holds the secrets of the universe, or at least your aunt's favorite recipe for chicken parmesan. Sign up for our cloud subscription service, where you'll get to pay for something that's just floating there, doing nothing.

Fine print disclaimer: Subscriptions Prophets is not responsible for any emotional trauma, existential dread, or spontaneous combustion caused by our services. Use at your own risk, or don't, we don't care.